The Practice of Noticing

Writing about gratitude can sometimes sound trite — too neat, too simple. I hope this reflection does not fall into that trap.

I believe gratitude matters. Not because I think a Higher Power distributes good and bad events in our lives, and not because gratitude is something we owe to the supernatural. I don’t hold that belief.

But I do believe there is real value in the steady practice of noticing what things we're grateful for, and writing them down - keeping a gratitude journal.

Research in psychology suggests that people who keep a gratitude journal consistently often experience improved mood, greater well-being, and increased optimism. What begins as a simple exercise can slowly change how we see our lives. As writer Betsy De Ville notes in "Grief for Atheists" (a wonderful book, available on Amazon) when we practice gratitude regularly, we begin to look for things to be grateful for throughout the day.

She also talks about how, when we do our journaling, we should try not to repeat broad entries repeat broad categories like family, friends, or safety, but express gratitude for different facets of them. I was really struck by this.

My Repetitive Gratitude

Some days, I struggled to find even three things to note in my gratitude journal without returning to the familiar: my family, my friends, a safe place to live, food, water, health care. All real, all important. But when I looked more closely, gratitude became less about categories and more about moments and how they make me feel:

• Hugs from my youngest niece

• My nephew’s excitement about his writing.

• The way my oldest niece has become so quietly strong and self-sufficient, just like her mama and grandma.

• Friday afternoons with my dad.

• A quiet realization during a a one-on-one lunch with my mom, just before I went to university: Maybe we have more in common than I thought. Maybe we’re becoming friends.

• Memories from my youth - euchre at Karen's, sleepovers at Cailey's, coffee with Louise. Partying with Rose in Ottawa. Travelling Vancouver Island with Melanie. Long conversations that shaped my life, memories that I'll always treasure.

• How falling snow is so quiet.

• A safe apartment.

• Clean water.

• Universal health care.

• The government support that helped me survive the aftermath of a stroke that, for a time, nearly erased my ability to work.

Looking back through my journal, I see more than gratitude. I see a record of a life — imperfect, sometimes difficult, but threaded with connection, care, and survival.

Over time, gratitude changed for me. It stopped being only about noticing pleasant things. It became about noticing meaning, and making connection, and truly appreciating all the aspects of my life.

In an interview, Anderson Cooper once asked Stephen Colbert about a statement he had made:

“I have learned to love the thing I wish the most had never happened.”

“Do you really believe that?” Cooper asked, his voice breaking a bit.

Colbert looked at him with deep compassion and said, “Yes.” The interview is in my post on grief if you'd like to watch it - I revisit it frequently.

Gratitude, for me, is not about denying pain. It is about refusing to let pain be the only story.

One day, I will write about how I came to feel gratitude even for events that were once wholly unwelcome. For now, I remain grateful — for small things, for ordinary moments, and for the quiet practice of noticing.

A gentle invitation

If you feel comfortable, you might try this:

Tonight, write down three small, specific things from your day that you are grateful for. Not categories — moments.

You don’t need to feel joyful. You don’t need to feel grateful yet. Just notice.

Over time, you may find that your mind begins to look for these moments on its own — and that even difficult days hold more than one story.

If you try it, I’d love to hear what you notice.